You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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