This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
