Just mADE A PArabola og urine
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
