First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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