New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
