I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
