just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
