Soap is not a condiment
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
