If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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