Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Randomize
