U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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