Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
