you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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