This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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