yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
