I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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