I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
