Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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