well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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