his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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