where am i from again
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You were trust falling into bushes
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
