I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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