I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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