dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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