Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize