just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
