Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
