You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
