Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
