why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize