It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
