I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
