I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
