so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize