Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We have started to decorate penises.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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