I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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