What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
