I got chris browned last night
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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