also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
