just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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