If i come over, it means nothing
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize