I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
