If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
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