i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize