He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
