My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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