I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
