Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
