i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
