you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
