remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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