saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
