She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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