Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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