meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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