Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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