ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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