I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
