Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
