I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
