I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
