Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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