he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
